Mr & Ms Craptaculars

Some quotes I picked up from the past

johngiam — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 06:05:31 +0000

I was packing up and I came across a note where i had copied various quotes from the past:

An optimist invented the plane but the pessimist invented the parachute

Nothing is work unless you rather be doing something else

You grew up the day you have your first real laugh at yourself

The trouble with being an optimist is that people think you don’t know what is going on.

If at first you don’t succeed, you will have a lot more friends

A clean kitchen is a sign of wasted life

Our lives would run a lot more smoother if second thoughts come first.

Almost everyone knows the difference between right and wrong but some just hate to make that decision.

If not for stress, I have no energy at all

I would have lived life in the fast lane but I am married to a speed bump.

Chessy Pick up Lines Collection 1

johngiam — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 10:00:19 +0000

1. Looking at the woman in the eyes and asking her: “Do you have a map? Because I am lost in your eyes”

2. “Did you hear a loud thud? Cause I just heard an angel fell from heaven”

3. Lift up your hand and ask the girl, “can you hold on to this while I take a walk?”

4.”Do you have a library card card cause I like to check you out”

5. “Can you stick your finger in my coffee? It’s too bitter”

6. “Is your dad a thief? Cause he stole the stars from the skies and put them in your eyes.” (Baker variation too!)

7. “Nice shirt! Where did you get it from? Oh… Made in heaven”

8. “Are your legs tired? Cause you have been running in my mind/heart”

9. “Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven…”

Day Job, Night Job & the Irony

johngiam — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 10:34:36 +0000

I have a day job and a night job.

In my day job, I am always awed that I have colleagues that looked like Bruce Willis and Al Pacino.

In my night job, I am half disgusted by colleagues who think they look like Brad Pitt and Ethan Hawke.

The thin line is where the IRONY lies.

Little Creatures – Dead or Alive

johngiam — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 05:50:32 +0000

A while ago I went for a night run, call it healthy or leisure stroll. While on the road, a beautiful prideful cat crossed my path and of course, what does anyone do when he or she crosses an animal, slow down and take a look at the beautiful creation nature had in store for us.

So I did just very that, slowed down and tried to do a little introduction of myself to the prideful creature.

Now, we all agree that we have loads to learn from nature, from the honeycomb structures of beehives to the mysterious deep blue seas. What could a tiny cat possibly teach me? For one, i learned that cats greet you with a culture shock, talk to them and they just turn around and face you with their bottoms (not that they would care).

Well…. that aside, it didn’t take me any longer to know this beautiful little creature and soon we were playing on the fields in the middle of the night.

Of course, there are more than cats that are beautiful in nature, there are flora, fauna, insects and the benefits they reap for us – homosapiens with a great sense of humor.

Talk about great sense of humor, everytime you watch an E.R. episode, the last thing that poor chap sees before landing up in the ward is a blinding flash of white light closing in on him (and if the directors finds it not melodramatic enough, “let’s do a re-take!” and the guy just have to face the white lights again).

How does it feel like if you are one of the little creatures of nature and the the last thing you see is a newspaper with the headlines “Surveys report: Local Life Expectancy has increase” closing in on you, or you rise your head and sees a foot long coming down on you?

Definitely not something you see in E.R. all the time mate

If you are an animal, what would you describe yourself to be?

johngiam — Sat, 28 Feb 2009 15:32:43 +0000

A while ago, I had the privilege of sitting in an interview for the selection of a new batch of leaders for a club and all I can say: Lovely, Warm blooded passionate youths queuing up for the chopping board.

Well anyway, we all know there are a couple of standard questions like “tell me more about yourself”, “What are your strengths and weaknesses?” or even “Tell me where would you see yourself in 5 years?”

Now, one of the common questions asked in this particular was:

If you are an animal, what would you describe yourself to be?

This is one lesson to learn, never be creative in your questions, you might as well as creative answers in return.

Wait and See.

Interviewer: If you are an animal, what would you describe yourself to be?

Interviewee #1: I see myself as a horse

Now if you were the interviewer, wouldn’t you be impressed that a horse is a symbollic expression of charisma, freedom and stamina? (finally! a unique answer after long strenuous interviews)

Interviewer: Wow, great! Tell me about it.

Interviewee #1: I would describe myself as a horse because I can gallop on the plains freely on my own and I am also fine to be ride on.

Interviewer stared blank. The former I would inteprete to be self motivated, goal driven; but the former leaves a big room for imagination huh? (So this guy wants to be ride on?)

Interviewer: That’s cool….Thanks for your time! (are you sure you wanna stick with the horse?)

Well, that perks me up better than any caffine product. Any more, I might get an over dosage.

Interviewer: If you are an animal, what would you describe yourself to be?

Interviewee #2: I see myself as a hamster.

Correct me if I am wrong, aren’t hamsters highly productive animals?

Interviewer: Ok, Tell me about it.

Interviewee #2:Hamsters are cute and perceived with adorable, bubbly characteristics.

Interviewer: Right, and…. you thought of having loads of kids as well?

***Moment of Silence***

Well, to cut it short, if I am probed that question? I would think twice.

Are you sure the parking lots are for cars?

johngiam — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 02:45:30 +0000

Everyone knows how complicated getting a parking lot would be.

Sometimes people choose to stand on the lot just to reserve a spot for their buddies, that would be totally unforgivable; other times, you just get frustrated losing the lots to someone else. Either way, finding a lot would be a challenge followed by another challenge – parking the car itself.

That comes a point when a genius invented an automated parking lot system. It’s a system where every lot is fitted with a fanciful lamp on the front and a sensor in the middle. An empty lot flashes a green light and an occupied one flashes a red light.

But what if …….

Now the billion dollar question: Are you sure the parking lots are for cars? or does he have a big boot to start with?

Uncontrollable moments… Do you have one?

gugunana — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 04:29:35 +0000

Interestingly enough, I noticed that all my colleagues, and even myself, will start to caress our hair and necks when….. we are on the phone. Nope nope.. not talking to boyfriends or girlfriends. But!! Talking to clients! Is that natural reaction? “Hello! I am calling from bla bla bla…” and my hand started to raise up to my head uncontrollably and comb my hair down. It’s just like trying to multi-task. On one hand, I am talking to my client on the phone. On the other, my hand is talking to my hair, “Shut up! stay still! Dont move!” How amazing. Our hand is stuck there on our head for some purposes and reasons I guess. Perhaps if I say something wrong on phone, *slap!!* my hand will uncontrollably slap my face. Wao.. how convenient.

My tattoo.. Do you have one?

gugunana — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 16:57:15 +0000

Every tattoo has a story behind. A rose with thorns might mean that relationship is seductious, might mean scandalous, might even mean a bitter relationship. A wrong design will stay with you forever. Will remind myself forever that… gosh! why did I even do that at the first place! You can put anything you want on your body. If you want Buddha to protect you, you tattoo a Buddha design. Best to tattoo a laughing Buddha design. When you break up, buddha is laughing at you. When you fall and break your arm, Buddha is laughing at you. When you are having sex, Buddha is laughing at you too. Nice. You are blessed by a Laughing Buddha. Peace. Tattoos like TIGER and DRAGON represent power and authority. But what happen when one gets old? Uncle! So cute! I see Tigger on your body! Can I draw Winnie the Pooh on your body too?

My thoughts. Do you have one?

gugunana — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 16:29:11 +0000

Outdoors. Do you like outdoors? Everyday it will give you surprises and new discoveries. Have you ever seen japanese people eating durians with chopsticks? “itadakimasu!!” Beauticians smoking using chopsticks? *Wooh wooh!* Threesomes in a motorbike? Oh oh.. dont be mistaken by my words. I mean 3 big adults squeezing in a bike. 2 guys and 1 woman. Amazing. I wonder if their asses hurt. *Ouch!* The woman is sitting in the middle though. Sad that you did not get the chance to see these? Perhaps you should slow down your pace and enjoy every little moments. Oh oh! How about this? a little kid pickpocketing.. :O No NO!

Procrastination

gugunana — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 16:05:34 +0000

Procrastination. My partner must be thinking… Finally you have a topic! and you are adding spice to this blog! Quick! QUick! tell me a joke, tell me a joke! We are craptaculars man! Why do we have names? Will you remember us if you were to see this name? There are only 2 things which will make a person remember our name. First, it’s either you know us by person or higher level of our intellectual or stupidity triggers your brain cells to laugh or to close this whole damn website. So, what am I going to say now? Gosh.. I’m procrastinating again. Did I just waste your time to read this?